To live with the conscious knowledge of the shadow of uncertainty, with the knowledge that disaster or tragedy could hit anytime, anywhere to be afraid and to know and confirm your fear, to live creatively and with full of love: that is, To live with grace. Henry Peter Abrahams
Christmas 1979 promised gifts, food, and in the community with the family. It did not run. I was the sale of Christmas trees with my father-in-law in a local supermarketin Gulfport, Mississippi. It was cold, was playing for South Mississippi. Christmas music, and suddenly my chest started to hurt. I mean, it started to hurt badly. This was no ordinary grief. My chest felt like an elephant standing on it. I could not breathe and I refused to think of heart attacks. My stomach was upset, I thought maybe I had something I had not eaten. I was confused and frightened. I had a beautiful boy, and could a woman who sings like an angel. We were youngand very well in the field of Christian music. I felt we had a future in the ministry. My wife and I had our difficult times, but we began to grow closer together and to the Lord. Truly, I have not allow me to think about this for many years. It was a good time in my life, but it turned out that the worst time of my life. This moment in time proved to be one of the turning points. My life changed drastically for the worse, and it does not change thebetter.
After a few minutes, I decided to tell my dad right, what was wrong. He told me to go into the store, sit down for a few minutes, and drink some water. I did what he commanded the hope that the pain away. The pain continued and it was getting worse. I have never thought about my heart, I was so young and strong.
My father-in-law went to the store, looked me worried and asks: "Are you make better?"
"No, it still hurts, as theDickens, "I replied, my hand on my chest bescheid.
I remember the fear on his face. He was a friendly man and one of the few men I had to not be a problem with alcohol. "Now Bob why do not you go home and lay down for a while and if you get better on their backs."
I was doing, what he said, but it was not better. When I got home, my wife was alarmed, but still we did not think about the heart. My breathing was getting worse and now I wasVomiting. My wife called a nurse, and she came and had my breath away in a pocket. The bag did not work. I remember how stupid I felt myself breathing into a paper bag. The nurse finally my wife said to me, rush into the emergency room, so we did.
After arrival in the emergency room, it was fast and my memory is foggy. I remember the stick goes from a needle in my arm. After the stick, I went into the sky. Oh, it was not the real sky, but the drug took me to a place so warm and wonderful. Ino more pain. I did drugs before, smoked marijuana, drank, took pills, but nothing has me so. I felt good about myself. It was glorious. The nurse gave me a shot of morphine for pain. This picture began a cycle of addiction, which ultimately took place, which would let me dream, I never go myself. Drugs became my God, my beloved, and my life. No power on the face of this earth was to break this dependency, no power. Yes, I was in a terrible jam, and before they finishedIt would be much worse.
To make a long story short, I stayed in the hospital in Gulfport, MS for a long time, taking drugs every four hours. Then, on New Year's Eve, an ambulance transported me to New Orleans for the surgery. It turned out that I had called a viral infection in the lining of the heart and lungs paracarditis. The doctors had no idea how the virus had been received there and there was no cure. I survived the surgery but at that time, I had no idea where it would lead. Thinkingback to the moment brings tears to my eyes. I wish it would turn out quite differently, but Glory be to God, as it had to be. I survived the surgery, but inwardly I died and became a slave to drugs. I was definitely in a traffic jam, with no way out. But today I realize as my addiction has become the largest capital. It is also true that no man, no doctor was able to free any level of education, not a therapist or a psychotropic substance of my addiction. Only the God all the glory had the power to reachthat task.
If your world is falling part as I pray, I have given you the strength to continue to find. Let me ask you today, but you say that God loves them and he is right for you in the center of the storm. So hold on my child, joy comes in the morning.
A song that will help me through hard times, often with the title of the Crabb Family, "If you could have done everything"
Their backs against the wall and you do not know what you do.
This studyShe is facing the worst thing that you were through
You feel singled out in the battle to fight for your will is almost gone.
There is one in your corner, which never failed
Do not give up on hold.
Chorus:
He spoke in the middle of the storm, "Peace be still, and the wind was at his feet
With only five loaves and two small fishes, he saw eating five thousand.
He made the blind to see, to set free the captive people of this world, he wasHeaven-sent
If you have done everything you can, remember Jesus can do anything you do not have
When we gather in Heaven and our struggle with life is finished.
Shall we swap old stories, war, I have one I would like to share with you.
Would lose about the night at the crossroads where Satan, I swore.
A hand out of nowhere came for me, and I have it through.
Words and Music by Gerald Crabb
Christmas Tree shop Christmas Gift shop
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